Good morning! How are you feeling?
Today I'd love to talk with you about what brings you joy.
What are you doing and who are you with when you are experiencing the highest levels of joy?
Take a moment to think about that.
I am in the middle of reading The Way of Integrity by Martha Beck, and becoming honest with myself about what truly brings me joy is something that I'm really playing with right now.
Often, the first step to living an authentically joyful life that lines up with your most important values is releasing the things in your life that do not bring you joy.
Think about those things in life that you feel like you need to be doing to make other people happy, but you're making yourself miserable in the process.
I would encourage you to grab a pen and a couple pieces of paper right now and make a list of things that you know you do simply to gain someone else's approval or to make someone else happy.
Choose the one that makes you feel most tense when you think about it and let's focus on just that one for now.
Being a recovering, obsessive people pleaser myself, I have a pretty expansive list of all the things I do or have done in the past to make others happy.
One of these things in particular has really been pushing my buttons lately so I thought I would share my process with you for working through it so that you have some inspiration for working through your own sticking points.
The most effective way that I have found to work through something that is really bothering me is to write about it.
Getting those thoughts and feelings onto paper is a great way to clear your mind and to allow creative solutions to flow.
You can take your most pressing issue and write it at the top of a sheet of paper.
Now go ahead and vent.
Get it all out- all of your thoughts and feelings about the situation.
I'll wait here while you spend some time doing that...
Once you get all of that out and your mind feels clearer, it's time to get really clear on what it is that you do want in this situation.
What are you craving that you have not been allowing yourself to have by trying to please other people?
You can start your writing with, "I want....."
What is it that YOU truly want in this situation?
Now you can write down and elaborate on: "I would love to feel... in this situation."
How would you love to be feeling when you make this decision to choose for you instead of choosing for someone else's happiness?
It is quite alright to desire someone else's happiness, but does it truly feel good to you to sacrifice your own happiness in order to make someone else happy?
If doing that thing that you do to make them happy makes you die a little more inside each time you do it, do you really want to keep choosing it?
I have come to the realization that I have put my own happiness on the backburner for far too long in certain situations, and I am ready to start choosing for me even if it feels uncomfortable to make that choice.
Are you with me?
Last night as I was writing about the situation where I have put my own happiness and peace aside, I wrote:
Up until now, I haven't believed that I truly deserve to be happy if it means saying 'no' to others.
I have been addicted to pleasing people.
Although it is uncomfortable to know that I may not make people happy with my 'no', I will be living in integrity with my 'no'.
I will be choosing me and my happiness with my 'no'.
The more practice I get, the easier it will become.
My 'no' is really saying, 'I love you, and I love me.
I can uplift the world most by choosing in favor of my joy and peace, and therefore I will be able to love you more.
You may be disappointed temporarily, but your attention will soon shift to something even more fun and you will learn that it is okay to choose in the direction of your joy.
By hearing 'no', you become empowered to say 'no' when that is your truth.
So, by saying 'no', I am opening my heart even wider to love you.
How's that for a truly amazing gift?
If you are really honest with yourself, do you truly believe that you deserve to be happy?
Or do you believe that it is your life's purpose to make others happy?
My favorite quote on happiness is by Abraham Hicks: "The greatest gift you can ever give another person is your own happiness."
In your happiness, you are bringing all of yourself to every interaction that you have, and your heart is wide open to those around you.
They receive so much more love from you when you are truly happy.
Did you know that the purpose of your life is joy?
That is the greatest truth that Abraham Hicks has taught me.
Life isn't about sacrifice, struggle, suffering, etc.
You chose to come into this life experience to create beautiful things and to experience abundant amounts of joy!
Are you allowing yourself to have the experience that you came here for?
If you have made a decision right now to choose in favor of your joy, you can take that situation that you've written about today and decide what choice you can make to follow your joy.
First you may want to spend some time writing out some creative solutions that will allow you to get what you want and then choose the one that feels best to you.
I am here cheering you on!
I'm going to be doing what I need to do and having the conversations that I need to have to move in the direction of my joy today.
We are in this together!!!
Comment below if you are choosing to take action in favor of your joy so that we can encourage each other.
Until we meet again...
Much love to you,
P.s. If you would like to start choosing in the direction of your happiness and you need some extra support, I highly recommend the book The Way of Integrity by Martha Beck. You can buy it here if you would like to gift me with a small commission at no extra cost to you. I am an Amazon affiliate who only recommends books and personal development products that I personally own and love.
If you would like to create a life that excites and delights you, you can buy my book Celebrating Your Life here.
If you missed my letter about Observing Your Thoughts, you can find it here.
If you'd like to read my next letter about Worthiness, you can read it here.
You can find me on Facebook at facebook.com/amberkissler33.
You can follow me on Tiktok at tiktok.com/@authoramberkissler.