5 secrets to a successful relationship


March 15, 2024


Oh my goodness!

I am SO excited to be here with you today to talk about my favorite topic in the whole world- relationships! 😀

I haven't talked too much about committed relationships on my blog, because I'm very aware that not everyone is in a long-term relationship.

However, my master's degree is in Marriage and Family Therapy, and I've had a passion for studying relationships for as long as I can remember.

So here we go! 🙂

Chad and I have been married for 17 years now, and we are very much in love.

Our love for one another feels like the finale at a firework show that just keeps exploding with greater and greater levels of passion.

We often wonder how it can get any better than this.

Not every day is sunshine and rainbows, though.

I still have walls around my heart that we discover when we dive deep together.

Dropping these walls bit by bit is what allows our love and passion to continue to build even after 17 years of marriage.

Today I want to give you a peek into our marriage and to share some of the things that we do to keep our flame burning brightly.

#1- We set aside time almost every single day to be alone together.

While the kids watch a show or play videogames, we lock ourselves in our room or sit outside in the hot tub to connect with one another.

Sometimes, we're talking about our deepest feelings.

Other times, we're connecting physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually in a really fun way. 😉

On days when one or both of us are exhausted, we're often watching a show and cuddling.

Making time for each other every day is our #1 secret to success.

#2- We both prioritize self-care.

As I talked about in my letter last week, it's really hard to give and receive love from others when you aren't loving yourself.

It's so important that you carve out time to take care of you and your body.

Give yourself time and space to fill your own cup every single day even if you can only find 15 or 20 minutes to do this.

Chad and I spend A LOT of time engaging in self-care individually and as a couple.

This is why we like to keep our schedule so clear.

I know you might have a really busy schedule, but if you want to have a happy relationship with yourself and someone else, it's very important to make time to support your own physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

You deserve it! ❤️

#3- We are completely honest and transparent with one another.

This can be very challenging when there are a lot of strong emotions swirling or when we feel off but we're not sure why.

There are still times when we have a hard time opening up to each other, because it can feel really scary to be vulnerable and to share all of you with another person even after many years of marriage.

A great way to help calm your fear around opening up is to sit back-to-back in bed with the lights off so that it doesn't feel so scary.

Talk about literally everything that's on your heart in the most loving way that you possibly can from your own perspective.

No blame here.

If it's easier for you to share your deepest emotions through writing a letter or sending a text, do that.

Do whatever helps you feel most comfortable to open up.

The more frequently you open up about how you're really feeling, the easier it will become over time.

#4- We set boundaries around our relationship.

We do this by protecting the time that we've scheduled to be together and by making this relationship our #2 priority after our own self-care.

Whatever you water with your attention grows, so if you want your relationship to grow more beautiful over time, you must invest time and energy into it.

You can also set boundaries by deciding that your deepest physical and emotional connection are with this person that you've chosen and not with others outside of the relationship.

Chad and I have had tests to our relationship with co-worker friends overstepping our physical or emotional boundaries, so we've had to back up from certain relationships and talk really openly and honestly with each other.

Honesty is the best way to build trust which makes it easier to lower your walls.

#5- We schedule lots of time for fun.

Many of us take relationships and life way too seriously, so it's important to infuse as much fun as you can into your relationship and family time.

Passion is built through fun experiences, and we prioritize fun in our lives.

Going out to a movie, going for a hike, exploring new places, going to the pool, taking two-day trips to fun places nearby, playing games, going to the lake, and riding bikes are some of the fun ways that we stay connected as a couple and as a family.

Life is supposed to be fun! 😀

I hope you've enjoyed our 5 secrets for a successful relationship, and I know they might seem overwhelming if you barely find time to feed yourself each day- let alone have time for all of the things that I just mentioned.

If something is important to you, you can make time.

Time expands to support you in your desires.

Try out one new thing to bring more love into your relationship, and once it becomes a daily habit, add something else.

You may find that you have to let go of things in your schedule that do not nourish you, your body, and your relationship deeply.

Being the introverts that we are, we say "no thank you" to most invitations and extracurricular activities, and you have permission to do the same if you need a lot of time for yourself.

If being around people fills your cup, by all means, say "Yes!" to invitations for social events.

Just make sure you have time alone together as well.

I invite you to prioritize your own self-care and your relationship if you want to live happily ever after.

You are 100% worthy of having a mind-blowing relationship in your life, and you are 100% capable of allowing it to happen if you will create space for yourself and your partner.

The results are 100% worth it!

I promise!!! 😉🎆🎆🎆

Much love to you,

Amber

P.s. If you would like to create a life that excites and delights you, you can buy my book Celebrating Your Life here.

If you missed my letter Self-Love, you can read it here.

You can read my next letter Relationships Are a Mirror here.

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